You can use a ready-made pizza base if you’re a lazy troglodyte, but we’re still keeping up the pretence that I know how to use my oven, so home-made dough it is.
2 x cups of self-raising flour
2 x tsp. of baking powder
2/3 x cup of milk
6 x tbsp of sunflower oil
Lots x milk chocolate
1 x bag of marshmallows
Garnish of your choice (eg. M&Ms, Lion bars, crushing fear of being alone)
Good dough requires a hella lot of abuse, so don’t stop kneading all the ingredients together into a ball until you’ve lost feeling in your arms and you’re seriously bored.
Oil up your ball some more and punch it onto a baking tray on some non-stick paper. You need it to be concave so all the horrible children’s food you’re going to put on it doesn’t leak all over your oven. Bake for 20 minutes or until golden, at 200c. S
Obviously, you need to start melting chocolate over some hot water. Really you shouldn’t need me to show you how to do this. Just put as much as you want in and watch the miracle of physics and chemistry coming together to turn your familiar chocolate bar into a strange and foreign brown gloop.
Imagine your chocolate is tomato paste, and therefore, most likely quite good for you. Slather it on as though every bite will keep you one step further from the grave. Ignore the bit of your brain calling this: Fucking Grim.
Top your pizza with marshmallow; nature’s cheese.
Totally how it’s supposed to look you guyz.
Garnish with sprinkles of your choice. God that looks bad.
Seriously. I think I fucked it up this time. Oh well, you live by the chocolate pizza, you die by the chocolate pizza.